There are no words to describe Pam - except for maybe CRAZIER THAN A SHITHOUSE RAT! Pam is a guest on Dr. Phil’s show (yes, a case of the blind leading the blind). She has a dog named Pie Boy. According to Pam, Pie Boy is the most spoiled member of her family. She carries Pie Boy everywhere so his feet never touch the ground; on nights when Pie Boy wants to stretch out, she lets him have her bed to himself while she sleeps on the floor; and yes, she PRE-CHEWS his dog biscuits because she is afraid he will choke. Watch this douchebag in action:

http://gigglesugar.com/959702

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Romance novel cover model, “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” SpokesWhore, and Uber-Douchebag, Fabio is profiled in this month’s Details magazine. I do not have to explain why he was chosen Douchebag of the Day. I will let Fabio tell you himself:

From the article:

He admits he has a hard time meeting girls he likes, because, you know, he’s Fabio. So he ends up dating a lot of actresses. “And they are always complaining about their work, or how they are not working. About this casting or this part they are hoping to get, and I have to say, ‘Come on, you’re a fucking waitress.’ I don’t say that, but I think that, you know, because I’m a gentleman.”

He recalls losing his virginity to a 17-year-old at the family beach house when he was, in his words, “younger, very much younger. She was telling me ‘Don’t make me pregnant,’ and I was like, ‘Don’t worry, I don’t even have sperm yet.’”

On the Eighties: “I was a testosterone machine. Oh my god, I was going through models like crazy. I would be at [nightclubs] Heartbreak or MK and there they were, 200 of them, all lined up. I could choose.”

My only hope is that the journalist who wrote the Details article bludgeoned Fabio to death with his tape recorder at the conclusion of the interview. One can dream.

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Oh Chachi, Chachi, Chachi….what has happened to you? Fonzie would be so pissed.

Last night’s premiere of Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant made me thank God my pre-pubescent prayers were unanswered as I watched Scott Baio run (literally!) from the responsibility of becoming a father for the first time at age 46. He returned to poor Renee, his fiancee of ten minutes (at the time of the show’s taping and the pregnancy announcement. They are now married. Poor girl), but first had to call an emergency meeting with his friends on a golf course at 4a.m. and phone his life coach to discuss the unplanned pregnancy and its effect on his life. One man’s miracle is another man’s final nail in the bachelor coffin, I guess. Other cringe-worthy moments: When Scott insisted on buying a 7,000+ square foot mansion for him and Renee because it was large enough that he couldn’t hear her calling him from one end of the house to another; his refusal (at first) to open the envelope containing the report detailing the sex of his unborn child as it made things “too real” for him; and my favorite: his proclamation that he had only 9 months left to live. No doubt, next season’s follow up to this hot mess should be aptly titled, “Scott Baio is 47 and still a Douchebag.”

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Back when I was in high school, we used to toilet paper the houses of our enemies. Now, revenge is a dish best served with formaldehyde. Several douchebags on a Des Moines high school swim team were suspended after they allegedly impaled 15 car antennas with fetal pigs and smeared crawfish on hoods and windshields in their rival school’s parking lot, their coach said.

Roosevelt High School swim coach Steve Teter said members of his team retaliated after Dowling Catholic High School swimmers lobbed snowballs at them at an earlier meet. The incident was discovered Tuesday.  Teter said several members of his team have been suspended from their next meet. Douchebags.

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The charred remains of a Marine who was 8-months pregnant were allegedly found in a shallow grave in the back yard of a comrade, Marine Cpl. Cesar Armando Laurean, whom she accused of rape. Lance Cpl. Maria Frances Lauterbach, 20, originally from Dayton, Ohio, vanished three weeks ago, days after she talked to military prosecutors about a rape case against Laurean, who remains at large.  Before fleeing Jacksonville this morning, Laurean allegedly gave his wife a note that said Lauterbach cut her own throat, and that he had nothing to do with her suicide, but that he had buried her body. Maybe, but I don’t believe that for a second. I think he did it. You have reached the top echelon of douchebagotry if you kill a pregnant woman. Here’s a picture of the douchebag - call the police if you see him!

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Douchebags David Dalaia and James O’Hare were arrested on check fraud charges in New York yesterday for wheeling a dead man, Virgilio Cintron, through the streets in an office chair to a check-cashing store and trying to cash his Social Security check, police said. Witnesses saw the two trying to hold up the dead body as it flopped from side to side in the chair as they wheeled about a block from their apartment to the check-cashing store. The men left Cintron’s body outside the store, went inside and tried to cash his $355 check. The store’s clerk, who knew Cintron, asked the men where he was, and O’Hare told the clerk they would go and get him. A detective having lunch at a neighboring restaurant noticed the crowd gathering around the body and called a nearby precinct. Emergency medical technicians arrived as the two douchebags were preparing to wheel the body into the store. They were arrested at the scene. The Medical Examiner’s Office told police it appeared Cintron had died within the previous 24 hours of natural causes. Honestly, if these two douchebags needed money that badly, wouldn’t it have been easier for them to fill out a job application instead?

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