Wow – Douchebag Mom alert! According to Cindy Adam’s column yesterday in the NY Post, a pregnant Nicole Kidman asked for a glass of white wine backstage at the Oscars and got it. Um, hello Nicole? YOU’RE PREGNANT! DON’T DRINK, YOU DOUCHEBAG! I mean, she has supposedly had all sorts of problems conceiving and even allegedly had a miscarriage in the past. Wouldn’t you do everything by the book if you had that many problems in the past?

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How dumb can you be? A drunk douchebag from Appleton, WI was arrested last week after he reportedly relieved himself in front of the police department. Duh! Cited for public urination and jailed on a probation violation, the 40-year old’s preliminary breath test indicated that his blood alcohol level was four times the legal limit, according to police.

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Okay, maybe he wasn’t as popular as Heath Ledger, but the douchebags at the Motion Picture Academy definitely should have included Brad Renfro in the Oscar Ceremony’s ”In Memoriam” segment last night. I mean, most of the actors, filmmakers, writers, technicians, studio suits and other insiders included in the montage were virtually unknown to the public. Omitting him was douche-y.

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Just a guess, but in order to review something, doesn’t one have to have sampled it first? Like, restaurant reviewers go to the restaurant they are assigned to review, eat the food, and then comment on it. Movie critics watch films and then give their opinion. And so on …

Not so the music reviewers at Maxim magazine. Apparently, Maxim magazine employs music critics with special powers, such as the one who gives the Black Crowes’ “Warpaint” a rating of two-and-a-half stars out of five in the March issue. The writer’s special power? He was able to review the CD without hearing it!

Incredulously, neither the writer nor the editor could have heard more than one song (the single “Goodbye Daughters of the Revolution”) because advance CDs were not made available.

According to the Black Crowes official website, when approached for an explanation, the magazine described the review as “an educated guess preview.”

Now, I haven’t read Maxim magazine, but, my “educated guess preview” is that it’s written, edited and published by a bunch of douchebags. I think Chris Robinson would agree.

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Thirty-nine-year-old Japanese man Tetsunori Nanpei was arrested for trespassing this week after turning up at a high school dressed in a girl’s uniform and a long wig, local police said. Nanpei the douchebag told police he bought the uniform over the Internet and put it on to take a stroll near the school in Saitama, north of Tokyo, on Wednesday, the daily Asahi Shimbun said. When students standing outside the gates started to scream at the sight of him, he dashed inside the school grounds, hoping to blend in with the crowds of teenagers, the paper said. They also screamed, forcing the man to flee, losing his wig in the process. A school clerk pursued him and stopped him at a nearby riverbank, the paper said. Police confirmed the arrest of the man in school uniform and wig but declined to give further details. (No further details necessary – we know he’s a douchebag.)

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Is this what happens when you are rejected by eHarmony?

According to the Wichita Eagle, a woman responding to a break-in in her garage found a man having sexual intercourse with her 4-year-old female rottweiler, police said Wednesday.

The woman called police Tuesday night after finding the 20-year-old man, who was then arrested.

Police say he had a prior conviction for the same crime less than six months ago.

The man pleaded no contest to having sex with an animal last September in Reno County and was fined $353, according to court documents.

He also can be found on an Internet Web site where people show photos and tell stories about sex with animals, Capt. Darrell Haynes said.

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