At Douchebags.com, we flush the bacteria, parasites and accumulated scum out into the bright, refreshing light of public scrutiny. The term "douchebag" needs no formal explanation - you know one when you see one. The term is experiencing somewhat of a revival these days and we are pleased to do our part in pushing this delightful word back into the American lexicon.
Holy Bejeezus. Lauren Bacall should NOT be showing off her deflated tatas like this. Ever. I don’t care if she is at the Broadway premiere of Gypsy and thought it was okay to look a little stripper-ish for the occasion. This should be illegal. My eyes and soul are bleeding. And as such, you, Lauren Bacall, are douchebag of the day.
Bad enough Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora was arrested on Tuesday night by Laguna Beach, California police on suspicion of DUI. Even worse, it turns out he had Ava, his 10-year-old daughter with Heather Locklear in the car at the time of his arrest. What a douchebag.
Rather than seek medical help for their 11-year-old daughter Madeline, who was suffering from a TREATABLE form of diabetes, her parents Dale and Leilani Neumann decided it was better to just pray over her.
Now she is dead.
An autopsy determined she had died on Sunday from diabetic ketoacidosis, which would have made poor little Madeline needlessly suffer nausea, vomiting, excessive thirst, loss of appetite and weakness in the many days preceding her death - which likely could have been prevented had her douchebag parents CALLED A DOCTOR early on. (Methinks that God heard their prayers and answered by having a relative who lives in California call the Wisconsin police to check on the girl saying they feared she was gravely ill - hello - God calling! I mean don’t the Neumanns know God works in mysterious ways? He probably wasn’t going to make a personal appearance at Madeline’s bedside.)
According to Everest Metro Police Chief Dan Vergin (also a douchebag - but we’ll get to that in a minute) Dale and Leilani believed the key to healing “was it was better to keep praying. Call more people to help pray.” The girl’s parents attributed Madeline’s death to “apparently they didn’t have enough faith.” The crazy Neumanns don’t follow an organized religion. Instead they have a Bible study with a few other crazies. Oh yeah, and according to Vergin, the mother thinks Madeline could still be resurrected.
And here’s where we think Police Chief Vergin becomes a card-carrying member of the douchbag patrol:
Madeline has three siblings, ranging in age from 13 to 16, the police chief said.
“They are still in the home,” he said. “There is no reason to remove them. There is no abuse or signs of abuse that we can see.”
Umm…WTF?!?!?!
Would Chief Douchebag say the same thing if he entered the home of a family whose parents strangled, stabbed or shot one of their four children to death?
Some douchebag at a question and answer session at Butler University today decided it was appropriate to ask Chelsea Clinton, who was at the campus during a campaign visit for her mother Hillary, if she thought her mother’s credibility had been hurt during the Monica Lewinsky scandal.
It wasn’t immediately clear what statement by the first lady the questioner was referring to. Before she was fully aware of her husband’s relationship with Lewinsky, a White House intern, Hillary Clinton said the allegations about that relationship were manufactured by a “vast right-wing conspiracy.”
Thankfully Chelsea wasn’t daunted by the douche and replied, “Wow, you’re the first person actually that’s ever asked me that question in the, I don’t know maybe, 70 college campuses I’ve now been to, and I do not think that is any of your business.”
The crowd of approximately 200 people loudly applauded Chelsea’s answer. After the applause, she responded, “and I also don’t think that should be the last question.”Chelsea took a final question about global warming, then wrapped up the event. After which she instructed her Secret Service detail to make the man disappear. (Okay I made that last part up, but it would have been cool if she had done that.)
We’re back from a long-overdue vacation and ready to name some more names.
Okay - how screwed up is this?! According to A Socialite’s Life, An Argentinean doctor named Daniel Serrano injected the former Mrs. Elvis Presley, the lovely Priscilla, with something he claimed “worked better than Botox” in 2003. Serrano got involved with some Hollywood wives who threw “injection parties” where he would shoot them up. The problem was that the unlicensed Serrano was actually giving them industrial, low-grade silicon. This silicone is used to lubricate auto parts in Argentina and is said to cause “lumps, paralysis and holes in the faces of some of the women (and some men) he injected!!!” WTF?!?!?!? Recently convicted by the federal government for smuggling drugs and the conspiracy and use of unapproved drugs, douchebag Serrano faces deportation.
Okay, I’ve heard of couples fighting over silly things. But this takes the cake. According to Reuters on Wednesday, a Chinese bride named Luo burned her husband Wang to death FOR NOT WASHING HIS FEET BEFORE COMING TO BED. That is one nagging douchebag. The couple, who were married on February 2nd, reportedly fought on a frequent basis over trivial things. On the night of March 4th, they had yet another argument, then drowned their sorrows in liquor. At approximately 10pm, Luo watched her husband get into bed without washing his feet. In a drunken rage, she set fire to sheet he was sleeping in. Luo, the crazy douchebag has been arrested thankfully.
