There are no words to describe Pam - except for maybe CRAZIER THAN A SHITHOUSE RAT! Pam is a guest on Dr. Phil’s show (yes, a case of the blind leading the blind). She has a dog named Pie Boy. According to Pam, Pie Boy is the most spoiled member of her family. She carries Pie Boy everywhere so his feet never touch the ground; on nights when Pie Boy wants to stretch out, she lets him have her bed to himself while she sleeps on the floor; and yes, she PRE-CHEWS his dog biscuits because she is afraid he will choke. Watch this douchebag in action:

http://gigglesugar.com/959702

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Back when I was in high school, we used to toilet paper the houses of our enemies. Now, revenge is a dish best served with formaldehyde. Several douchebags on a Des Moines high school swim team were suspended after they allegedly impaled 15 car antennas with fetal pigs and smeared crawfish on hoods and windshields in their rival school’s parking lot, their coach said.

Roosevelt High School swim coach Steve Teter said members of his team retaliated after Dowling Catholic High School swimmers lobbed snowballs at them at an earlier meet. The incident was discovered Tuesday.  Teter said several members of his team have been suspended from their next meet. Douchebags.

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The charred remains of a Marine who was 8-months pregnant were allegedly found in a shallow grave in the back yard of a comrade, Marine Cpl. Cesar Armando Laurean, whom she accused of rape. Lance Cpl. Maria Frances Lauterbach, 20, originally from Dayton, Ohio, vanished three weeks ago, days after she talked to military prosecutors about a rape case against Laurean, who remains at large.  Before fleeing Jacksonville this morning, Laurean allegedly gave his wife a note that said Lauterbach cut her own throat, and that he had nothing to do with her suicide, but that he had buried her body. Maybe, but I don’t believe that for a second. I think he did it. You have reached the top echelon of douchebagotry if you kill a pregnant woman. Here’s a picture of the douchebag - call the police if you see him!

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Anyone who caught “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin Eve” last night couldn’t help but cringe when Ryan Seacrest introduced New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s young daughter as the Mayor’s “friend.” The mortified Bloomberg quickly corrected the American Idol douchebag for his gaffe, setting the record straight that she was his child. Seacrest, out, indeed.

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Anu Solanki is a douchebag. Most folks who want out of a marriage at least let their spouses or a family member know. Not Anu. Instead, the Chicago native met a friend at a forest preserve on Christmas Eve and fled with him to Southern California. Without telling anyone. At all. Upon learning that her husband feared her dead, her disappearance made headlines and the search for her cost authorities $250,000.00, “she expressed regret and embarrassment,” according to Cook County Sheriff’s spokesperson Bill Cunningham. Methinks it is time to express some grovelling and cash in the direction of the folks who wasted their time, energy and their holidays looking for your sorry ass.

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Guess which douchebag said this:

“I’m sorry, I don’t talk to the press and that applies to you, unfortunately. Even though I think you’re cute.”

Answer: Chelsea Clinton responding to the probing question “Do you think your dad would be a good ‘first man’ in the White House?” posed by 9-year-old Scholastic news reporter Sydney Rieckhoff. Come on, Chelsea, give us a break. You bask in the public spotlight campaign as you shill for your Mom, but you can’t take 5 minutes to talk to a kid? Afraid of her trick questions? Puhleeze.

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