The ink on my copy of last week’s People magazine featuring the opulent exchange of vows in Bora Bora between Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds is barely dry. Which means, of course, that they are headed for splitsville.

“After much consideration and discussion, we have jointly decided that we will forego having a legal ceremony as it is not necessary to define our relationship further,” the former flames said.

“While the recent symbolic union in Bora Bora was representative of our deep love, friendship and respect that we have for one another on a spiritual level, we have decided to remain friends.”

Rumor has it that Eddie was the primary douche (no shock there, just ask his baby mama Scary Spice), publicly screaming at his bride-to-be in the days preceding their “symbolic” big day two weeks ago and insisting against Tracey’s wishes that she take his last name. Since the ceremony in Bora Bora was merely ceremonial and the couple never “officially” married in the States, we’ll be spared the gory details of what would likely be a messy divorce.

I want my wedding gift back douchebags.

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